I'll look at your later scripts. By the way, it looks like you've got a great relationship with your penciller. Have you worked with other artists besides him?

-Mark

I understand your comments, and I agree.
Especially with transition to the scene atthe bank…..that was just sloppy.

The first page, however, is a bit of a different story.

I know it is lame to nit-pick a criticism….so consider this me explaining where I am coming from and why that page looks the way it does.
This whole project is an experiment in just diving in. When I started writing it, I did not know what woudl happen or who it would happen to. I know what my general theme would be, but that was it.
That first page has no background, because I did not know what the background would be. And when the character laments “I need a name”, that is actually me needing a name for that character.

That whole first page is the character talking about how hard it is to get started BEING a superhero without a name, but it is also me talking about how hard it is to start writing a superhero comic book without a name.

In fact, if you check out Issue 1 version 1 on the script page, you will see that his name was originally set to be “Rampart”. The name “Kinetic” literally appeared on my keyboard as I was writing that conversation with Monkey.

Thanks again.

Josh

I'm reading Issue 1 of your script. You've got a nice clean style and your dialogue is great; very intelligent.

On page 1 you write copy for a “narrator” and obfuscate the identity of the character in the chair but we learn on Page 2 that this is Kinetic. I think it's a good habit to share as much information with your artist as you can and I think being vague about this scene doesn't do your artist any good. I think you're better off describing the scene and naming the guy in the chair and then describing the effect you want this page to have on the reader. You could argue, effectively, that you're writing to create a mood for the artist to capture and he only has to read the next page to get what's going on, but scripting is most effective when you treat your artist like a conspirator. This is the delicate balance: you're trying to create an experience for the reader by controlling the text and images and at the same time writing a set of instructions for others (potentially several people) to interpret.

With that in mind, there is no real indication to the reader that the location changes from the city that the Monkey and Kinetic are in to Geneva (Page 4) even though the artist knows locations have changed, the reader doesn't. This would be a good place for a cap that simply reads, “Geneva, Switzerland” and demarcates the two cities.

The theme here is: Conspire with your artist (who reads the script) to manipulate the reader (who reads the comic book). In truth, you're addressing two separate parties in the same document and you have to ask yourself if the artists have all the information they need to draw it to convey the intended experience to the reader.

Has any of this been drawn? I'd read this book, your writing is very solid.

Keep up the excellent work.

-Mark

I'll look at your later scripts. By the way, it looks like you've got a great relationship with your penciller. Have you worked with other artists besides him?

-Mark

I understand your comments, and I agree.
Especially with transition to the scene atthe bank…..that was just sloppy.

The first page, however, is a bit of a different story.

I know it is lame to nit-pick a criticism….so consider this me explaining where I am coming from and why that page looks the way it does.
This whole project is an experiment in just diving in. When I started writing it, I did not know what woudl happen or who it would happen to. I know what my general theme would be, but that was it.
That first page has no background, because I did not know what the background would be. And when the character laments “I need a name”, that is actually me needing a name for that character.

That whole first page is the character talking about how hard it is to get started BEING a superhero without a name, but it is also me talking about how hard it is to start writing a superhero comic book without a name.

In fact, if you check out Issue 1 version 1 on the script page, you will see that his name was originally set to be “Rampart”. The name “Kinetic” literally appeared on my keyboard as I was writing that conversation with Monkey.

Thanks again.

Josh

I'm reading Issue 1 of your script. You've got a nice clean style and your dialogue is great; very intelligent.

On page 1 you write copy for a “narrator” and obfuscate the identity of the character in the chair but we learn on Page 2 that this is Kinetic. I think it's a good habit to share as much information with your artist as you can and I think being vague about this scene doesn't do your artist any good. I think you're better off describing the scene and naming the guy in the chair and then describing the effect you want this page to have on the reader. You could argue, effectively, that you're writing to create a mood for the artist to capture and he only has to read the next page to get what's going on, but scripting is most effective when you treat your artist like a conspirator. This is the delicate balance: you're trying to create an experience for the reader by controlling the text and images and at the same time writing a set of instructions for others (potentially several people) to interpret.

With that in mind, there is no real indication to the reader that the location changes from the city that the Monkey and Kinetic are in to Geneva (Page 4) even though the artist knows locations have changed, the reader doesn't. This would be a good place for a cap that simply reads, “Geneva, Switzerland” and demarcates the two cities.

The theme here is: Conspire with your artist (who reads the script) to manipulate the reader (who reads the comic book). In truth, you're addressing two separate parties in the same document and you have to ask yourself if the artists have all the information they need to draw it to convey the intended experience to the reader.

Has any of this been drawn? I'd read this book, your writing is very solid.

Keep up the excellent work.

-Mark